HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY

 

Presuntos Implicados - Como Hemos Cambiado

Hi, Ruthy.

Today would have been your 50th birthday. I can't believe it. Somehow, it's far more shocking that you'd be turning fifty than the fact that I'm on my way to sixty. I was so shocked when I realised it that I had to check the maths twice. After all, your body clock — and your story — stopped at nineteen.

Fifty. Goddammit.

You were just a kid when I met you. I was a kid too, although those three years difference made me feel like your mum. What a pile of bollocks... The truth is, you were a million times more mature than I was at your tender age of thirteen.

I can't help wondering what it would have been like if you hadn't decided to ride that bike into town that day. Would you still be here?  Would you have children of your own?  Would you have forgiven me? Maybe having you around would have changed my own path. Maybe I would have chosen to come back then. 

Something tells me that fuck-up was the first really wrong turn I ever took. And that's the thing about wrong turns: once you make a big one, the next comes more easily, and then the next easier still, until living a "normal" life somehow becomes the harder choice.

I have so much to tell you, but you don't visit my dreams anymore. Maybe the internet has reached wherever you are? There are stories about ghosts sending emails and making phone calls. 😉 I know... bollocks too. But don't pretend you don't miss them.

God... I have so much to tell you, rubita.

Besides, it was you, after all, who proved there really is something beyond, just as you promised you would if you left first. You were true to your word until the very end.

Anyway, happy birthday, wherever you are.

I'll see you soon enough, I am sure.

P.S. Do you remember that song? We used to sing it at the top of our lungs back when its words meant absolutely nothing to our little girls' hearts. And now that we could finally sing it together, truly understanding its meaning.. you're no longer here.

Anyway.

I love you. I miss you. I miss singing, dancing and causing havoc with you.

Happy birthday, rubita.